This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Randomize
