Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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