I love black thongs
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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