i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
