Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
