I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize