I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
