yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just forgot I was standing up.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
