i think i have herpe
just one?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
