You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
