i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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