You really coming over, don't trick.
barbara walters just said penis...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
