we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
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It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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