I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
