Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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