By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
