I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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