I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this boner is exhausting
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
