yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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