she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
