Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
