at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My feet surprised me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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