I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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