I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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