Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
