As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I want a musical about memes.
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