my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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