it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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