Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
