then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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