the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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