WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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