I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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