I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
