So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
please don't ironically join a cult
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