By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
