I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
its liver damage thursday
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
