Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
