I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
