??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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