we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
