I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
no, he came in my armpit
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
