I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
