he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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