Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
