My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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