if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
