Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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