best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
