I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
