i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
