SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The power of my boobs compel you
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
