Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
