we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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