the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
