Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
