I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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