Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
