Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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