if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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