It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
