Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize