the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
