I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
