the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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