Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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