I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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