New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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